Look at me
by DianaLineelu2001
Summary: What do you feel when the one you love doesn't feel the same way like you? How would you react when he treats other girls better than you? What do you feel when the one you used to know change in your eyes? That how Tomoyo feels. ET. Well not really ET


Look at me  
  
( E+T  
  
( CCS  
  
( CCS belongs to our dear Clamp. Satisfied?  
  
( This story comes from Tomoyo's point of view.  
  
I am watching at him. He is talking to his friends. He's smiling, talking happily & so on. You know what, I think he realizes that he's being watched, but why, why didn't he glance here, at me?  
  
Sometimes, I think he is avoiding me. Why? Well, obviously because afraid that I will end up hurting myself when I realize that he don't love me. (That's just a guess, alright?) I always do wonder, why he can't be as open minded as Yuzai? Yuzai told all of his secrets to Naoko about the person he loves the most. He certainly didn't mind his secrets being exposed.  
  
Or maybe, it's much better if he can be like Yamazaki. Yamazaki told his feelings to Chiharu in public. This incident happens like this:  
  
Chiharu was passing Yamazaki, Yamazaki called Chiharu a few times & Chiharu keep on saying 'what!?' When, Yamazaki called Chiharu for the seventh times, Chiharu exploded & said, 'What the heck do you think you're doing!?' (Wow! Chiharu must have been very furious with Yamazaki to say such a word.) Yamazaki seems to be shocked but regained his composure a few minutes later. He made a straight face & said, "I just wanna tell that I love you." (He didn't even stutter when he said that!!)  
  
And, Hazuo- he is certainly wasn't a very talkative person but he is very smart by showing his feelings with his actions. At least, that person already got a few hints from him. But Eriol.*sigh*.he is simply Eriol Hiiragizawa. I can't seem to find any hint from him that telling me he loves me. Actually. to tell the truth, I don't fancy him to act like any of the boys that I have mentions. I like him the way he is!  
  
He's smart. Good, so he can teach me in subjects that I'm not so good in. (If I can find any subject that I'm not good in anyway...) He is kind of religious. I judge that by how usual he goes to the church. (He goes every Saturday) He is charmingly polite. Well, he is certainly not a perfect gentleman but at least he has lots of moral values. (Not like some other guys who usually shun of the word, 'moral values') He is great at sports. I don't know why but my cheek feels hot when I see how he plays basketball. He is good looking. I don't really care about that. At least, he has a face anyway.  
  
But that are just his feature. That's not why I love him. No! I love him simply because he is Eriol. I don't know how to explain this feeling. It's funny & maybe to someone else, annoyingly silly. Forget that anyway.  
  
Somehow, I do know that I'm not the only person who loves him. Atsuko loves him too. She sits next to him. And he, he's very nice to her, he always smile at her. (Something that he rarely does to me.) Oh please, don't do that always! It's unbearable, painful!  
  
Is it only me, or.it's true that his voice always turns cold when he talks to me. What have I done that hurt him? Why do he want to hurt me? I always do wonder, why he can smile at the other girls but always avoiding facing me. Why he can't seem to say anything to me?  
  
We used to be so close. Used to be more than a friend when we were children. He used to tease me playfully. And then, he would apologize if he thought what he said was way too much. * Giggle* He was over-protective towards me before. He hated to see me cry. He'll frown when he realised that I was upset. He made me felt important and wonderful.  
  
But, why? Why do he change before my eyes? He's not the Eriol that I used to know. He becomes secretive and annoyingly silent. He didn't think me as his circle of friends anymore. Talking to me is extremely hard to him. He'll end our conversation as fast as possible when I start it. It's painful! He used to promise that he'd protect me from any pains. Then, why do he become my source of pain now? It's so painful. Is this adulthood?  
  
Mom used to say that adult is hypocrite. They didn't like to show their feelings as easy as when they were child. I believe that mom is right. You see, I don't know since when but I'll be jealous when there are another girl talks to him. But, then I'll continue to treat them kindly. Makes a fake mask that says, 'It's alright to flirt with the one that I love'. This is sick! Demo, my jealousy is relevant! Look, he treats them much better that the way he treats me. It's unfair!  
  
My friends always say that he loves me. They can see it, so why can't I feel it? When I accidentally touch his skin, I can feel the surge of electricity going through my skin. Do he feel the same way too? When there are rare times he looks at me, my heart pounding so loud that I afraid the whole class heard it. Do he feels like that too? Do he feel the same?  
  
***  
  
Eh!? Do what I see a few minutes ago are right? I think he's glancing at me just now. That is a few minutes before he continue you conversation with his friends. I hope that my eyes weren't playing tricks at me. But, that real! But then, I ask myself. Is there any benefit for him to love me? 'Coz if he loves me, I have nothing else to give except.myself.  
  
Someday later, I'll tell my feelings towards him. And until that day comes, he'll continue to be my only prince, my only Eriol.  
  
Sorry if this story doesn't make sense in other word L.A.M.E. Really, I'm trying my best to improve my writing. But, R+R please!! Positive flames are accepted. ( 


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